She’s perfect.

I’m really bad at this blogging stuff. After my last post, life took over and worry about our baby kept me so occupied that I completely blocked out the need to update this blog. From the 33 week mark on it was pretty much touch and go. My amniotic  fluid remained low no matter what I did to try to get it up, and in fact it got even lower.

By early February, my Dr was talking about the possibility of an even earlier scheduled C-section…which made us realize we could have a baby within as little as 10 days!! We were excited and scared – hoping and praying she was alright. I was seeing my Dr twice a week to be monitored and each time I was thankful she was doing well. I was in to be monitored on Feb. 16, and at that time I was not dilated, or having any contractions – so no signs of labor.  The next three days I felt tired and sore, but still no signs of labor until Friday, Feb.19.

That morning I got out of bed and felt a small amount of discharge as I got out of bed, and immediately I thought “Oh, that’s not right…” but it was such a small amount and stopped for a bit, so I went on about the business of getting ready for work. It happened again a few minutes later, and I knew something was going on,  so I told my husband and tried to decide if we wanted to go into the hospital, or wait until my Dr. appointment a little later in the day. I figured my water may have broken, but because it was such a small amount I wasn’t entirely sure. I guess I expected that even with a low fluid level I would still have a “rush” once my water broke…not a trickle.

My husband was trying hard to let me decide, but I could tell he was nervous.Finally after about 30 minutes of waiting as I continued to get ready as if I was going in to work I think he had enough, because he finally said “honey, lets go!! If we wait we’ll get stuck in rush hour traffic!”

We got to the hospital right around 7:30 in the morning, and they immediately admitted me to run tests and confirm that it was indeed my water breaking. It was. As bizarre as it sounds (or at least it did to me) they put me in line for a C-Section that day. Yes, there is apparently a line for C-Sections when you go to a large hospital in a major city, and I was third in line for the day.

It was a very surreal experience. I never felt a contraction, never had any pain, or anything else that indicated the baby was coming that day – so it was hard to believe that when we left the hospital we would be bringing home our little girl. She was 3 weeks early, but completely healthy and apparently impatient to make her appearance in this world.

The C-section was a really strange experience – I was numb from the chest down and didn’t feel a thing – not even pressure – so I had no idea when they actually pulled her out until I heard her cry. She was perfect!!! And very loud. Our little Eleanor came into the big bright wide world at 1:42 p.m.

We are beyond amazed by her and so very blessed to be trusted with such a gift. Not having had a baby around for 15 years, I feel like a new momma all over again – all nerves and worry. But as I sit here and write this with this beautiful little one laying on my chest what I feel most is gratitude.

 

 

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33 weeks and a breech baby.

According to my BabyBump app this morning I have 48 days left to go before we meet our new little one. The app says she is 17 inches and about 4.25 lbs. – all very encouraging.

We’ve had a few small concerns lately – for one, my amniotic fluid levels have been low so in order to combat that I have started trying to drink about 100 oz. of water a day. So far I’ve done pretty well and after two weeks I did manage to get the fluid level back up to normal, but I’ve definitely paid for it in bathroom stops, including a minimum of three per night. So much for sleep…not that I can do that anyway.

My husband is such a trooper! We are blessed to have a bed that is able to elevate both the head and the feet to varying degrees – and thank goodness! I’ve had to sleep with a pretty significant head elevation to actually be comfortable enough to rest in between potty breaks. The hubs just says he’s fine with whatever I need to do and sleeps right beside me the whole time.

Our little lady is also in the worst possible position for birth – Frank breech.

Frank breech

 

The sonographer thinks she’s destined to be  yoga instructor since her toes are on top of her head continuously. She still has time to turn, and I am hoping for that as a c-section is not a happy thought. I’ve been talking a lot to my Dr.(have I mentioned how much I love this guy!?!) and he is pretty straightforward with me on the issue. He makes a pretty valid point saying that most babies that are breech are that way for a reason, like perhaps because she is too big for my pelvis. Either way he is unconcerned and has made it point to ask me to not rule out a c-section.

That said, I am researching ways to naturally help turn a breech baby, and have started trying to invert myself a few times, and may resort to using peppermint oil to work on getting her to turn. I’m open to suggestions on how to get this girl headed in the right direction!

In spite of the discomfort, lack of sleep and even pain at times, I thank God every day for this baby, and I am grateful for the chance to welcome her into our family. I’m grateful for every kick, every hiccup, and the weirdness of watching my belly change shape as  she moves around. It’s a blessing beyond measure.

I also want to hear about any of you who actually read this blog. I still feel a deep ache when I think about last year and baby Emma, which is what started me on this blogging journey. I have read and followed many of your stories, so I am hoping (and praying) you are all doing well and have or will have happy news of your own to share soon.

 

 

It’s been a while.

I do try to find time to update this blog, but life just gets in the way. For anyone who actually reads this, I’m sorry for the silence, but busy-ness kinda takes over and before I know it 2 months have gone by.

But thankfully, not much has changed in the last 2 months. I am now 28 weeks, and have a belly that would rival Santa. It’s a bit strange and slightly alarming to have a belly like that, and I still catch myself thinking “whose belly is that?!?!” for a split second when I look in a mirror, but I am thankful.

I feel every bit of 28 weeks too, tired all the time and hungry, but with not a lot of room for food. I’ll think I am starving, find something I think I can eat and about 5-7 bites in I’m already feeling that “I ate too much food feeling” we all get at Thanksgiving. Thank goodness maternity pants are forgiving – they are the ultimate “eatin’ pants”.

We are excited for our little girl to get here, and her daddy is already thinking of entertaining ways to spoil her. Big brother is too. He tells me almost every day how he can’t wait to have a little sister, and it makes my heart happy.

Even though we are excited, there is still an air of caution about us. We still have not bought anything or started a nursery yet. Mostly because we are on the tail end of our kitchen remodel and that consumes our time  – almost all of it. But I kind of feel like we just can’t get the motivation up to put our hearts into to it until she gets here.

I’m not sure if it’s just because the kitchen is the focus, or if we are afraid to do anything to prepare “just in case” .

I mean, I feel pretty good most of the time, and I am pretty sure she is going to be an aerobics instructor when she grows up because she is constantly moving around in there, so I’m actually more confident than I have been in a long time.

I guess i expect that we would the nursery started and be nesting more right now, but maybe I haven’t reached that stage yet.

Anyway, I will try to update more often, and hopefully life and the business of living it don’t get in the way so much.

All’s good in the babyhood.

Last Friday was a pretty big day for us. I had my appointment with the ultrasound machine to check the baby’s growth and to see what we are having. As I said before, I’m pretty blessed to have found the dr. I am seeing because he schedules an ultrasound every 4 weeks – more for my own piece of mind I think than anything.

The appointment started normal, but when the nurse pulled out the doppler to check the heart rate she couldn’t find it. Talk about a moment that can take your breath away! She left the room to check on the status of getting me in to start the ultra sound and thankfully they were ready for me right then. I think I may have actually held my breath until we saw and heard the heartbeat, but then there it was! Strong and fast – 155 beats a minute.

The tech went through her battery of measurements and discovered that the baby measures 6 days bigger than I am far a long – so now at 17 weeks, the baby measures 18 weeks, which I guess is really good.

And its a girl. I was actually pretty surprised when the tech told us that – I would have bet that it was a boy – but I would have lost. As long as the baby is healthy though, I don’t care. My husband is over the moon excited though – he secretly always wanted a girl I think, although he won’t admit it.

So we were happy & relieved to see that all is well.

I feel like that sense of confidence that everything is fine may never return. Each day I wonder if she’s doing ok in there. I worry if I don’t feel her moving very much. I wonder if my next appointment is when the shoe will drop. I know it sometimes affects my attitude even though I wish it didn’t. I think my husband wishes I would smile and be more excited, and I want to…but that fear reigns it in.

On Tuesday we spent the evening at his grandma’s house where everyone gathers for dinner each week. We decided we would reveal the sex of the baby to the family at the dinner and got a gorgeous cake decorated on the outside with yellows, greens and a tiny bit of orange. The middle was tinted a bright pink so that when cut into the family would see what the next tiny family member would be. They were so excited and happy to share in that moment, but even then I was nervous and didn’t enjoy it as much as I hoped to.

I wonder if that will ever go away? My friend at work (who is 7 moths pregnant and also had a miscarriage within the last year) thinks I will feel better after the 20 weeks mark. Maybe…we’ll see.

My dad has also been in the hospital for the past week, and had a quadruple bypass today. He’s doing well and the procedure likely saved his life. Between that and work and worry about the baby, life has been a little nerve-racking lately.

Hopefully its going to settle down very soon. Hopefully each time I go in to the Dr. gives me just a little more reassurance and confidence. Hopefully in 5 months, I will be holding my very healthy, happy baby!

I’ve Been Selfishly Scared…

I’ll start by saying I’m still pregnant. 15 weeks and 4 days so far, and into what I feel is the danger zone.

You see, it was at 16.5 weeks that they say I lost Emma – even though I carried her for 20.

That’s why I’m scared.

That’s why I haven’t been posting. I’m sorry. I’m afraid to get too excited, to tell too many people, and I spend almost every waking moment wondering if the baby is doing ok. I’ve changed a lot of my habits that I had during my last pregnancy – I do only pregnancy safe workouts, I don’t take anything unless its absolutely necessary (not even Tylenol), I walk about 2-3 miles a day, I eat as absolutely healthy as I can.

If something happens this time, I don’t want to wonder if it was something I did. I’m hoping I won’t have to wonder that.

I wonder if my fear is necessary, rational? This pregnancy is so very different from the last. Aside from being bloated, unfortunately plugged up (all the time) and being very tired, I feel pretty good.

I’m seeing a very good doctor – a maternal fetal specialist who is very optimistic, and very compassionate. He told me from the start if I wanted to drop in the office “just to check” I could, any time, no appointment needed. I’ve taken him up on it twice now.  It’s nice to know I can check whenever the fear takes over. I’ve seen the baby every time I have gone in, so it been about 4 times now, and every time it’s wiggling and kicking and appears perfectly normal.

We had the 12 week Down Syndrome Trisomy-21 and Trisomy-18 screening, and everything is normal – less than a .01% chance of any of those issues being wrong with this little one – which is so very reassuring. Looking back, we were never offered that testing with my pregnancy with Emma and I wonder why and if that could have predicted something.

Next Friday I go in for my 16 week scan, and I wish it was already here. I think the doctor may see a lot of me over the next 4-5 weeks – I feel like I want to “check” every every day right now. I know that’s not realistic or necessarily safe for the baby but I can’t help but wonder. I will try to keep it as infrequent as I can since I see the doctor every 4 weeks as it is, but I know i’ll be in there at least every 2.

The good stuff is for now, all is well. And at the appointment next Friday, the Dr. says he can tell us what we are having. I’m not sure I want to know, but the hubs definitely does so I’m sure we will find out.

I’ll try to post more frequently if I can, and I hope all of them contain good news and progress – for both of us. I’ve told few people, but those I have told have been incredibly happy for us and so supportive. I have an army of prayer warriors on my side, and I know without a doubt they are lifting us up every day. But we can always use more, and if you are the praying type and remember us, I’d be grateful.

With love, Charity and baby L.

 

117 beats per minute – so far so good….

After the last few months of trying since losing Emma in December, the hubs and I had decided to pursue adoption, and not really pay attention to “trying” anymore. Then, last month I got a feeling I should test even though it was still a few days before my period was due. I’m not sure why, but something told me to.

It was positive.

I tested again with a different brand of test – just to be sure it wasn’t a fluke. It too was positive.

So I waited a week – long enough for my period to come and go if it was planning to. It didn’t, and I tested again.

It was positive.

You might think that this is a great reason to be excited and that the hubs and I should be over the moon at this point. We were cautiously hopeful, but with a tubal reversal, there is a higher chance of ectopic pregnancy, and that was our biggest fear at that point. I had to get in for an ultrasound as soon as possible.

I called to schedule an appointment with my doctor. Turns out she is out on maternity leave, and there wasn’t a doctor in her office I wanted to see. I decided I wanted reassurance and someone who was more knowledgeable in taking care of a woman who is “AMA”, has had a tubal reversal, AND has had a recent late term miscarriage.

I found one who generally only takes referrals, but after hearing my story he decided he would see me for the initial ultrasound to see where the implantation was. I had my appointment yesterday, and for now, everything looks perfect!

We saw the little bean, and measured the heartbeat at 117 beats per minute – totally normal for 6 weeks and 5 days – where I am at. I am due March 7, two days after my son’s birthday.

I am going to be bold and step out in faith here and just say – this one is going to make it. I know it. I feel it.

I know that there is a chance we will face what we faced before. The hubs and I have talked about it, and we both agree that we know we are not in control, and that whatever happens from here, we will walk in faith and trust that He is walking right beside us. He will carry us if necessary.

We are not telling too many, only a select few friends that we know will lift us up and walk beside us no matter what this journey brings. I think for the most part,  we will be keeping this one quiet for a while. My next appointment is in late August, and between now and then I will be going on a mission trip and to Texas to visit family.

I don’t know how many people actually read this blog, but if you happen to be reading it, could you please say a little prayer for us and the blessing we are growing? Nothing is more comforting than knowing someone out there is praying, that they care enough to lift us up even if they only know us through these words.

21 Day Fix end result…..

So I actually finished 21 day fix on Sunday, but my life is so crazy-hectic-busy that I have not had time to post about it.Sorry – but here goes:

Overall the plan wasn’t extremely hard to follow if you have a measure of self-discipline. It does seriously rearrange eating habits and portions, but not in a bad way. In fact, I ate more food than I normally would have, so that was actually pretty different for me.

The workouts were pretty good too, all around thirty minutes and challenging depending on your level of effort and the weights you choose to use. With my schedule, 30 minutes a day is perfect, so I felt like that was very doable.

I did try the “3 day” fix plan, which limits you to mostly meats and vegetables, but a LOT of them so I never felt hungry. I didn’t particularly care much for that portion, but it may have made a difference overall in my results.

On Day 20, I tried on a pair of jeans that did not fit well before I started (think big muffin top all the way around), and was extremely disappointed that they fit about the same way as before, and immediately decided that 21 Day Fix was unsuccessful for me. I was pretty upset, and the hubs being the awesome guy he is, told me not to worry, and that I am beautiful. But as any girl knows, it’s not about what other people see, it’s about what you see when you look in the mirror – and I still saw the muffin top.

But, I am not a quitter so I stuck it out for the final day, determined that no matter what I would still weigh myself on day 21, just to see even though I was convinced that it didn’t work.

Monday morning came, and I stalled as long as I could before I had to make myself move to get ready for work. I stepped on the scale, and to my utter disbelief, it read 161.3! That’s 6.8 lbs. down, but for my own sanity, I am rounding up to 7. It turns out I had lost pounds, but not inches – which is why the jeans still look like sausage casing.

At first, I was disappointed that A- I didn’t lose the inches I have been dying to lose, and B- that i didn’t reach my 10 lb. goal. But after a little thinking, I realized that hey, 7 pounds in a 21 days is not too shabby! In fact, that’s probably the best weight loss result I have had with anything I have tried in the past.

And I am going to do it again until I reach the 30 pounds down I want to be at. I took Monday off, but started again on Tuesday, which believe it or not was harder than I thought it would be. But I am determined, and I found something that seems to work, so wish me luck!!!goals 2

Day 10 of 21 day fix…I am afraid of the scale.

So I have reached day 10, and I don’t see or feel any results so far, which is pretty disappointing. I’ve followed the eating plan and workouts to an almost T. I say an “almost T” because; A- yesterday was my anniversary and I had 2 bites of vegan carrot cake from New Seasons. Carrot cake on our anniversary is a tradition, so as bad as I knew I should say no, I didn’t.  It was two small bites. And B- there have been a few days that I missed eating a container or two (usually the teaspoons, orange or blue containers) – I simply forget to eat them, and by the time I think about it it’s too late in the evening to slug em’ down.

I’m not sure if that would hinder progress or not?

I asked the hubs if he noticed any changes yet, and made him promise to tell the truth, and he did, saying nope. Usually he is such a kind person that he will find a way to say that he sees an improvement of some sort – even if it’s not what I am looking for. I’m grateful he’s in my court, and supportive of all this crazy stuff I do.

Anyway, I haven’t noticed a change, and my clothes still seem to fit the same, but I have not gotten on the scale. I’m afraid if I do and I haven’t moved the needle I may go eat the entire bag of organic chocolate covered raisins I have in the freezer right now.

So keep your fingers crossed and say a few prayers for me – I’m still shooting for 10 lbs!!

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Day 2 of 21 day fix

Ok, not gonna lie – Day one was both easier than I thought and harder than I thought. It was easier than I thought because I basically get to eat what I would normally eat  – just in different proportions. It was harder than I thought because I didn’t realize how much I was used to just “grabbing a snack” whenever I felt like it, and as much as I hate to admit it, not really paying attention to what goes into my mouth.

I’m really bad about wanting something sweet after a meal, just a little treat – a small piece of chocolate, or a small hard candy, ect. There will be none of that with this plan! Yes, chocolate is allowed as long as it fits in the container and you plan for it, but I haven’t got there yet. So the first day and half of today has been difficult in that sense.

Getting better at “spreading my containers out” throughout my day is one of my goals for the rest of this program, because by lunchtime I am STARVING, even though realistically the plan allows for a lot of food. By dinner time both yesterday and today I have a lot more of my containers than I need left, so I’m ending up eating a huge dinner, when I should be winding it down later in the day. On this plan you eat three container servings of fruits and three container servings of complex carbs, which I learned (thanks to you tube videos) Ideally would be eaten before 5 p.m. For me though, the evenings are hardest, so while I might eat most of them before 5 I will probably do better to have at least one of the fruit for a “desert”.

So here’s a breakdown of what I ate yesterday, and pretty much the same today ( I am a creature of habit)

21 day fix day 1 & 2

Watching youtube videos helped me get a sense of how I should spread the containers out, and some pretty good ideas for recipes cause I think this could potentially get boring if I don’t try to change it up a little in the course of 21 days.

With after school programs tonight its going to be a challenge to eat dinner in a timely manner and plan for tomorrow. Better planning is in order for nights like this.

The workouts are tough, but so far seem to go by pretty quickly – so that’s good. Yesterday was Total Body Cardio Fix, today was Upper Body Fix. Usually I don’t burn out a muscle when I do upper body, but I also don’t usually do it for a minute at a time non stop either, so that makes a difference I think. I am sore from yesterday, and I’ll likely be sore from today too.

I want to give a shout out to OurGreatestDesire who is also doing the 21 Day Fix, but on a different eating plan – you go girl!!!! I can’t wait to compare and share results. And if any ladies out there are also doing this or any other workout plan let me know – I’d love to be able to encourage each other!

A new (or maybe just revisited) focus.

So I’ve decided that it’s WAY past time to shed some weight from being pregnant. I’m prone to easy weight gain, and when I was pregnant I put on roughly 25 lbs. – most of which has decided to plant a mailbox on my rear and take up permanent residence. I’m determined to serve up an eviction notice to the squatters.

Most people that know me know I am a pretty avid exercise nut, and I actually work out about 6 days a week for a minimum of 30 minutes a day. And I’m not talking weenie workouts – I do P90X and workouts of that nature. So being active is not my issue. My issue is that I like food. A LOT. I eat a generally healthy diet of organic, clean foods, but I still indulge in some sour candies on road trips (Sour Patch Kids must be the spawn of the devil.) and tortilla chips and salsa on a pretty regular basis. So it is very possible to eat a mainly healthy diet, exercise and manage to sabotage all your hard work with a few sour candies and some chips. Dangit.

On top of that I have a “mom body” from having had my two awesome kids. I adore them both, but having babies really does reek havoc on a girl’s body if you’re not careful….and I was too young and dumb to be careful.

To start fresh, I’m going to do a few things I have never done before. First, I’m going to write about it here, as much as possible. I usually don’t talk about my goals in this matter for fear of failure – if I don’t tell anybody they won’t know I failed right? I’m looking for positive feedback and accountability partners here guys.

Second – and this one is hard, and it sucks…I’m going to tell you my starting weight – it’s 168.1lbs. as of this morning. What a depressing number. Especially since I am only 5’5″. Whew! That hurt. Ideally, I would like to lose about 30 lbs. total (K kid, please don’t freak out…you know I will do it in a healthy way.)

Third, I just bought a new workout program called 21 Day Fix from Beach Body. It looks pretty promising, and even includes a fat girls friend – portion control dishes that help you figure out exactly what you should eat. Basically if its on the foods list they provide and it fits in the container, you can eat it, if it doesn’t, don’t. Actually, it is a teeny bit more complicated than that, but not by much. Anyway, if followed to a T, you should be able to shed about 10-12 lbs in 21 days. I’m shooting for 10 at least.

The downside to this is that the trainer is a freakin gorgeous bikini model! I guess it could be an inspirational upside for some, so while I sweat my butt off doing this workout with this lady who is virtually perfect physically guiding me, I will try to remember that and not to view her with angry fat girl eyes.

Today is day 1. Check in and keep on me to post my progress – I think I’ll need a little push with that. Wish me luck! And a lot of prayer, cause I am already hungry.